This is probably my least favorite of the film adaptations, just because it is long and feels long, which for any film is not a good sign. It stays pretty faithful to the book, but of course this is also my least favorite book of the series. However, Chamber of Secrets is not without some truly magical scenes, and I've managed to compile a handful of the gems it offers here.
Watch Out for That Tree!
Remember that time Harry and Ron thought they could fly a car all the way to Hogwarts, even though neither of them had a driver's license? I do. And it was a disaster. Also, they hit, as Ron glibly put it, "the one tree that hits back." Way to go, boys. You know if Hermione had been around, none of this fuckery would have happened.
Ron Eats Slugs for Hermione
Speaking of Hermione, Chamber of Secrets is where we get a look at how poorly some of the wizarding population treats our favorite bushy-haired know-it-all (incidentally, is there any character with so very many hyphenated descriptors, usually used all at once?). Malfoy calls Hermione a "mudblood," which is a HUGE no-no in human conversation (Malfoy, of course, being at least part troll, or perhaps fairy). But because Harry has no idea what's going down during this conversation, it's one Ron Weasley who steps up to the proverbial plate and tries to curse Malfoy. And as these things tend to go for the lovable ginger, it backfires horribly. We are then subjected to minutes of Ron regurgitating large slimy slugs, and Rupert Grint's crowning moment in this film.
Harry and Ron Go Undercover
You know that Harry and Ron's twelve year old boy brains were just going nuts with excitement over this little scheme, cooked up by Hermione (of course). Yes, she does all the grunt work, brewing the Polyjuice Potion and accidentally turning herself into a cat, but it's Harry and Ron who get to take on the personae of Crabbe and Goyle, Malfoy's beefy sidekicks, and make a trip to the Slytherin common room. They fail at getting any answers out of Draco (though in true Rowling fashion there is a critical hint dropped in the conversation that none of them recognizes at the time), but it's still a pretty sweet mission. I like to think that when Harry and Ron were training to be Aurors later, they thought back to this time in their lives and laughed uproariously at how far from stealthy they were (although let's be honest, Ron probably still is).
Meet Tom Riddle
Harry finds a creepy old-school diary. He writes in it and the ink disappears, then a disembodied, possibly non-existent person starts writing back. At which point does Harry stop and think, hey, maybe I should tell someone about this? The answer is never. Our HP does what he does best, and plunges into the mysterious and potentially dangerous situation headfirst with none of his wits about him. He stumbles into a memory of young Tom Riddle (who will later reveal himself as the one and only Lord Voldemort), wherein Tom frames Harry's giant pal Hagrid for opening the Chamber of Secrets. And naturally, rather than taking the testimony of an invisible and pretty evil-looking dude, Harry decides to ignore the accusation and give Hagrid the benefit of the doubt, right? Well, not quite.
Deus Ex Machina, Courtesy of Fawkes
I would like to impress that when I first read this scene in the book, I knew there were going to be seven stories in the series, and that they would all presumably be narrated by Harry Potter. So it is fair to say that I could rest assured that Harry wouldn't die in the closing pages of Book #2. But then this chapter happened, and any logic embedded in my suspended disbelief went out the window. It looked something like this in my brain that day: ohmygodHarrygotBITTENbyaPOISONOUSSNAKEandohnoVOLDEMORTISTHERESOMEHOWandnononononoHARRYISABSOLUTELYGOINGTODIE. This is literally the moment where it seems there is absolutely no way Harry will get out of this one alive. But wait-- is that the flutter of wings I hear? Yes, it is a glorious God-from-machines Fawkes the Phoenix, arriving just in time to spray his healing tears everywhere and allow HP to destroy Tom Riddle's soul (and the first horcrux, but more on that later...). Unrealistic? Perhaps. Awesome? Absolutely.
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