Soundtrack Series, Part Three: Times of Change

 Well, here I am.  Less than 3 weeks till I'm a college graduate and till I'm on a plane back to Chicago, leaving behind so much of what I've gained over the past four years.  It feels like there's no good way to describe this rush of feelings, no way to truly encompass everything that's been going through my head.  Everything feels bittersweet and almost impossible to categorize-- every event, every outing and experience is fun and wonderful because I'm with the people I love most in the world, but everything also feels tinged by the ever-present knowledge that very soon I won't be.  Every conversation I have with someone from here on out could be one of the last, every time I visit my favorite haunts might be the time when I ought to be taking a mental snapshot, lest I forget the details of what it looks, sounds, and feels like.

Of course, this has prompted a shift in the music I've been listening to (but then again, it doesn't take much for that to happen).  The point is, I've been discovering more and more songs lately that seem to speak to this weird feeling in my chest, the overwhelming idea that something's ending and that I've got to grab hold of every second of joy that I can before that time comes.  These are just a sampling of the songs that have been my soundtrack during this time of transition, of goodbyes and attempts at making plans and new hopes.

Run -- Snow Patrol
One of my all-time favorite songs (and the all-time most played song on my Ipod, fun fact).  It's just such a poignant song about leaving, specifically leaving the one you love.  For me graduating and leaving Seattle doesn't carry quite the gravity this song does, but I can't omit it from this list because it is so wrapped up in the idea of change for me, of transition and of the power the people you love have over you. Also, there will never come a time when that epic instrumental portion just before the song wraps up doesn't blow my mind.

23 -- Jimmy Eat World
If I had to pick a song that most accurately sums up my feelings toward this upcoming transition in my life, this one is a definite contender.  This is just a fantastic song about the weirdness of being this age (I'm not 23 but I'm close enough, and I more than understand the sentiment), not knowing where things are going to go and feeling just a little bit out of control in the face of how fast life is passing you by.  It also has a great message about going after what you want:  "You'll sail alone forever if you wait for the right time/ What are you hoping for?"  That line just strikes me in a fresh way each time I hear it, and it reminds me of the need I have to evaluate what, exactly, I'm hoping for, and how I can reach it.

American Pie -- Don McLean
Not only is this a great story-song, but it expresses so much of what I think everyone feels on the precipice of a major life change.  McLean isn't excessively emphatic about it, but he's clearly devastated by the tumultuous times in which he finds himself, and regardless of whether you can appreciate the actual events he's singing about, chances are you can relate to the feeling behind it.  I know I can-- this is the kind of song that makes me wish I were a songwriter, so that I could encompass my feelings so flawlessly in such a versatile format.

I Must Belong Somewhere -- Bright Eyes
Love the catchy tune of this one, and the fantastic imagery.  It's a great commentary, but it also lets the listener establish his own sense of place in the world. I like this as a "change" song because there's so much in it about the way some things will inevitably remain the same.  

More Adventurous -- Rilo Kiley
I think the reason this song made the list (apart from the fact that Jenny Lewis is just downright marvelous), can be summed up in my favorite two lines:
"...With every broken heart we should become more adventurous"
"And [I] thought about how we are all as numerous as leaves on trees and maybe ours is the cause of all mankind-- get loved, make more, try to stay alive..."

In My Life -- The Beatles
"I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before/ I know I'll often stop and think about them..." This is one of my all-time favorite songs--short and to the point.  Reflect on your life, and remember all the people, places, and events that have shaped it.  This is a song that gives me motivation to move forward even into an uncertain future, because there are so many more memories to be made.  And even if it's all downhill from here, I'll be able to carry the things I've loved with me wherever I go.

Wild World -- Cat Stevens
This song just gives me a kind of warm fuzzy feeling.  It feels like a parent's kind-hearted, well-intentioned warning, filled with that distinct feeling of being cared for.  Not to mention, something about Cat Stevens just gives me the feeling like a friend is singing to me, like he knows how afraid I am of the "real world" and wants me to feel better about it. If that's not a good enough reason to put it on the "change" playlist, I don't know what is.

Somewhere Only We Know -- Keane
 This song is just fantastic.  If Keane had never recorded anything ever again, or if it had all been awful, this song would have been enough of a contribution for them to forever have my respect and affection.  There is something so beautiful about this song, about its imagery and its message, and it makes me feel better about damn near everything.  This song makes me think of community, and of the value of shared experience, and shared memories. 

Leaving Town Alive -- Bethany Joy Lenz
Little known song, but definitely a great little tune about the nature of change, and the little ways it impacts us.   There is a sense of how much life can wear you down, but there is also the shadow of victory, of being able to weather it all so long as you let your heart rule you.  It's about missed opportunities and letting those experiences teach you, guide you, so that you don't miss the next great chance that comes along.

100 Years -- Five for Fighting
One of several "life is short" songs on this list, because I think for me the notion of change and the idea of the fleetingness of time are very tightly linked.  Just as this song flies by, the years of your life that John Ondrasik is singing about can pass you by in the same exciting, wonderful, painful blur.  And if you're not careful, you might miss it. I'm hoping that when I'm "99 for a moment" I'll be able to look back on this part of my life as a time when I really did something, really put forth my best efforts and strongest energies to better the world around me.

Live Like We're Dying -- Kris Allen
I need to learn how to live the message of this song so much more fully.  It resonates with me so strongly every time I hear it, and I want to be that person who embraces every moment of my life to the fullest, yet somehow I find myself coming up short.  I know it's going to be especially tempting to just coast or kill time after graduation (particularly until I find a job), but I want to be very intentional about living each day with meaning, even if it feels like there isn't any.

Soundtrack Series, Part Two: Sounds of Love

I'm not a romantic.  Okay, I actually think that sometimes I am a romantic, but not in the way you'd expect.  I hate chick flicks and happy endings.  I'm not planning on waiting around for "Mr. Right" to find me in the hopes that we'll ride off into the sunset together.  The roles of wife and mother don't really appeal to me at all, especially in competition with writer or teacher or any number of ambitions I haven't yet discovered.

But I believe in love.  All of my stories feature it pretty heavily; the novel I'm writing is pretty much a 300 page treatise on why when we lose our ability to love we lose ourselves.  And I have a soundtrack, not a formal one, but a cluster of songs in the back of my mind that remind me of what love feels like, what it sounds like.  As you might expect, they're not all happy (all right, I'm lying, most of them are pretty melancholy) but the meaning they've got packed into them is worth a million crappy pop songs about soul mates and dating and weddings.

**And no, I'm not sure what it means that so many of them have one-word titles.
 
Faithfully -- Journey
If I am ever visited by the urge to get married and I have a wedding and there's a first dance, this song is it, beyond a doubt.  Not only do I unabashedly adore Journey, I love the epic build of this song.  And of course I'm a sucker for the lyrics, too.  As if none of that were enough, my love for this song was only reinforced tenfold when I heard it covered on "Glee" by the fantastic Lea Michele (and Cory Monteith), though I would definitely insist on the original version at my wedding.

Honestly-- Bethany Joy Lenz
It's not a secret that most of these are songs more focused on the heartbreak side of love than the warm & fuzzy (what can I say, it's who I am).  This song is about regret, but it's also about the endurance of loving someone even after things have gone south.  Take this line "I'm so glad you're far away/Is that a terrible thing to say?/Still I wonder if you're okay..."  Yes, she's nursing a broken heart and maybe even bruised pride, but there's still love there, and I think with any relationship that's ended it's important to remember that you loved that person once upon a time.

Someday We'll Know -- Mandy Moore and Jonathan Foreman
 Something else I'm a sucker for:  the couple who can't be together or shouldn't be together because of circumstances beyond them.  Yes, it's true that there are a lot of people who like these types of stories, but I think I'm in the minority in that I don't root for them to defy the odds/overcome whatever obstacle is impeding them.  I prefer them longing for each other, moving forward as individuals, and maybe even learning something from the experience.  The two people in this song haven't figured it out yet, but they will, and the romantic side of me loves that.

Yellow -- Coldplay
Whoever it was that introduced Chris Martin to odes and/or to songwriting, thank you.  This song is just such a beautiful tribute to a person who is literally the light of another person's life.  I can't say much more about this (my words wouldn't do it justice), so I'll just say that I'm pretty sure it's a no-brainer on a list of love songs.

Iris -- Goo Goo Dolls
Another pretty obvious/typical choice, but I had to stick it on here.  "You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be"-- what person, romantic or not, wouldn't want to hear something to that effect?  We also get a strong sense of the person singing the song as a complicated, even troubled figure, and the subject of the song being a source of salvation and comfort.  It's not a story song, but it makes you want to know the story behind it.

Someone Like You -- Adele
There had to be a song in here about the one that got away.  It's a staple of every love song list, and Adele's contribution to the catalog is nothing short of phenomenal.  There is something so raw and beautiful about every aspect of this song-- the simply piano, the lyrics dripping with longing, and of course that absurdly beautiful voice (I'm pretty sure she could cover just about any song and I'd love it).  When I discovered this one, it shot straight to the Most Played on my Ipod; there's just something about it you won't be able to get out of your head.

For the Nights I Can't Remember -- Hedley
 This one's a great song from a pretty unknown Canadian band, and it's all about appreciating all the things, big and small, that the person you love does for you.  It's about wanting to be a better person in return, because of how much you love them.  And it's got that alt-rock vibe that I thoroughly dug during my high school daydreaming phase (not to mention the fact that it was featured on Degrassi, which is pretty much the epitome of adolescent understandings of love).

 
Your Ex-Lover is Dead -- Stars
This is probably my favorite breakup song ever.  There's so much venom in such simple lines, and it's sad while also expressing a push to move forward.   I love the way they take literally the idea of forgetting or un-knowing someone you used to really love, and the way it comes to a resolution.  Best lines:  "I'm not sorry I met you/I'm not sorry it's over/I'm not sorry there's nothing to save."

Call It Off -- Tegan and Sara


The Temptation of Adam -- Josh Ritter
I absolutely love songs that tell a story, and this is one of my all-time favorites.  In about 4 minutes of song, Josh Ritter weaves a beautiful little tale of two people assigned to man a nuclear arsenal beneath the ground, and naturally they fall in love.  The temptation is "Adam's" impulse to simply allow the world above them to end so that they can continue to be together.  I've read a lot of pretty intense love stories in my time, but I think there's something uniquely moving about this one.

First Day of My Life -- Bright Eyes
I've seen this on a few occasions recently as a wedding song, and while some have scoffed that it's a hipster choice, I disagree.  It's a simple little song, and Conor Oberst's vocals leave much to be desired at times, but the beauty is in the simplicity, in the offbeat-ness of it.  "I'm glad I didn't die before I met you," Oberst sings, and isn't that how we all feel about the ones we love?

Come Home -- One Republic
This song, one of One Republic's best in my opinion, is truly beautiful.  Half plaintive plea, half "dreaming out loud" about a better world, it gets across something that is very difficult to articulate.  I think there's definitely a message here that it's okay to need people, as long as you can appreciate that there is still some beauty in your life without them, it would just be clearer if they were around.  Additionally, the version featuring Sara Bareilles on the second verse is even more gorgeous than the album cut.