This just sums up so much of how I feel about life right now. I've given myself an official deadline: if I don't have anything lined up in the job department by Friday, I have to book a flight to Chicago (my apartment is kicking me out the day after graduation). Since I haven't really heard much of anything about jobs, it's pretty unlikely at this point that I'll have anything resembling an offer by the end of the week, so I've started preparing myself for the inevitable.
And then I found this, and it expresses my thoughts exactly. I've been thinking a lot about how much I'll miss all my friends here, especially since we're all going in such different directions and may not cross paths again any time soon. But I think I really am going to miss the person I am here; and more than that I'm scared of losing the progress I've made.
Seattle-Andrea is a person I like very much. She's got a lot of determination that she just didn't have four years ago; she's loved and she knows it, and people trust her more than she probably deserves. Chicago-Andrea? She's kind of a fuck-up, to be honest. She doesn't believe in herself and she doesn't go after the things she wants, mostly out of fear. I don't want to fade back into existing as Chicago-Andrea, because then what have the past four years been worth?
I'm going to try to embrace it, because what else can I do? I'll spend the summer writing stories for my portfolio and submitting stuff for publication, searching for jobs, and avoiding the bad habits I invariably fall into whenever I go home. I'll read books and meditate and spend some time in the sun (I have been having withdrawals for four years, so the Vitamin D will probably do me some good) and hang out with my sisters.
And maybe, just maybe, I won't miss this place as much as I'm terrified I will.
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