Anyone who knows me can tell you that I'm a huge music enthusiast/nerd. They'll also probably tell you that I have a penchant for making playlists for every occasion, with the songs that I've meticulously selected to summarize my feelings toward the event. Last week I was working on my graduation party playlist, to commemorate the end of my college experience, and I got to thinking about how much I love doing this, creating a soundtrack that speaks the things I can't say.
And naturally, it got me thinking about other occasions I could create playlists for, and what might go on them. The first one I completed, listed here, is the soundtrack for my funeral. I realize that might read as morbid, but when you think about it, what better occasion to express exactly how you feel about your life, and about death? If there's one event I have every right to leave my mark on, it's this one. So I present the 12 tracks I've narrowed down to comprise my memorial soundtrack.
I'm sure as time goes on I will think of additions to this list, but I also find that most of these for me have been pretty enduring and tied up in a lot of my memories. This is my ideal playlist, and I'm so attached to these tracks that there may need to be an addendum to my last will & testament with a link to this blog, so that whoever handles my affairs doesn't go against this one fervent wish.
1. Wildflowers - Tom Petty
Beautiful, folksy little song with genuinely good wishes for the listener/subject. I'd kick things off with this one because it's just so nice and it conjures up the image of sending someone on a journey. That would probably be the theme of my funeral (do people have themes for funerals?), embarking on a journey, and so I think this would be a tremendously appropriate opening.
2. Forever Young - Youth Group
This song takes me back to high school, when I first heard it, and I can't help but remember the sense of possibility and excitement that I felt looking ahead to the rest of my life. I had so many dreams (still do, but they're more realistic now), and so many hopes, and this song reminds me to hold the memory of that time in my heart.
3. Remember Me as a Time of Day - Explosions in the Sky
I probably overuse the word "transcendent" when talking about music, but with this band I think it is merited about 98% of the time. This track is so beautiful-- any time I need to take a minute and just be I like to close my eyes and let this play in the background. I think that most of the Explosions in the Sky catalog would be apt for a funeral/celebration of life, but since I've limited myself to one track I have to go with this one.
4. Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World - Iserael Kamakawiwo'Ole
I associate this song with some of the most contemplative, peaceful moments of my life. It's the perfect track to play while you simply sit with your thoughts and reflect, and there's something so indescribably soothing about that ukulele. This song puts me in mind of a beach somewhere far from any civilization, with clear skies and crystalline water that stretch on forever.
5. Fire and Rain - James Taylor
This song has a lot of regret in it, beautifully and subtly articulated. It's not that I want anyone to feel this way about me when I'm gone (the regret part, I hope they'll feel the affection!), but it's something I've always struggled with. I often worry that the people in my life don't know just how much I love them, and that I'm taking my time with them for granted. I also associate the tone of this song with change, the quiet kind of change that takes you by surprise with how much it impacts you. I have so many people in my life who've changed me like this, and my hope is that somewhere along the way I've had a similar effect.
6. Let It Be - The Beatles
This isn't a song I associate with death, but one I associate with my father, who died when I was young. I have very few vivid memories of our time together, but something I do recall is the many car trips we went on, and all the things we'd talk about even while running errands. One of the occasions that has always stood out in my memory is this song coming on the radio, and my father just bursting into song, barely knowing the lyrics and drumming on the steering wheel. It's just such a great snapshot of the goofy, fun-loving person he was to me, and every time this song comes on I take pause to remember that car ride. I really love the idea of having such a vivid reminder of our time together as my own life draws to a close.
7. Angel - Sarah McLachlan
When I think of soft music that touches my soul, I think of Sarah McLachlan, and most particularly this song. It's about how hard just living life can sometimes be, and I appreciate that. There can be a million little struggles even when you haven't been struck by some overwhelming tragedy, and there's always (for most of us) the need for just a little more peace in our lives. I don't necessarily believe in angels (they've always come as a package deal with the kind of theology to which I've never subscribed), but I love the image of being embraced by something greater than myself, and comforted in that embrace.
8. When I Look to the Sky - Train
This was the first song I ever thought of as a spiritual experience. There is so much tied up in this song-- nature, loss, spirituality-- in short, all the things that truly resonate with me. I love this song because it acknowledges the immensity of loss while also providing a comforting sense of continued community with the person or people who are no longer here. I would play this at my funeral if only to guarantee that the people I love get to experience it at least once.
9. For Good - Idina Menzel & Kristin Chenoweth
I feel like I think of a different loved one each time I hear this song, and it somehow applies to all of them. This is the perfect friendship song, and one that expresses just how much one person can mean to another. I liked it in context of the musical it's in, but I like it even more as a standalone song, because it feels almost too universal to be confined to one story. My favorite line in the song ("It well may be that we may never meet again in this lifetime, so let me say before we part...") would be especially poignant in the context of a memorial, and I hope that it would comfort those I love the way that it has comforted me on so many occasions.
10. Home - Michael Buble
I've always had a kind of sentimental attachment to the concept of "home" as much more than a particular place. Home is in your memories, in your heart, and in the people who make you feel that indescribably comforting, warm feeling in your chest. It's a feeling we all can relate to, but that's almost impossible for us to articulate. I love this song because between the lyrics and Michael Buble's lovely voice and the soft instrumentation, that feeling gets conjured up inside me all over again. I would hope for this song to inspire the comfort and fuzzy feeling in others that it always does for me.
11. The Long Day Is Over - Norah Jones
I don't actually know if Norah Jones wrote this song as a metaphor for death, but that's how it has always read to me. It's so gentle and soothing that I think this is a legitimate candidate for a song I would like to be listening to at the actual moment of my passing away. It feels like a send-off, one that's understated and serene, exactly the way I'd like it to be. And what better for my friends and family to hear as they send me off and say goodbye?
12. Moving On - Michael Giacchino
This is one of the most moving compositions I have ever heard. Yes, it's from a television show, but the last few minutes of LOST will be forever in my mind as a truly amazing, touching experience, enhanced all the more by this track. I would insist on this being the last song to play as everyone walks away and returns to their regularly scheduled lives, because it is structured in the exact way I would want my memorial to be: it opens quietly, builds to a beautiful violin crescendo, then fades away quietly. My feelings follow the pattern of the instruments every time I listen to it, and it always provides me with a very unique feeling of catharsis. I hope it would do the same for everyone else, rounding out this playlist and my life on the perfect note.
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